shit happens

Field team: Hello? Hello? HEY! Yes. Down here. Helooooo… ok thank you. Just so you know, we are in the shit.

Regional office: Thanks for the update. You OK or you need some help with that shit?

Field: Shit yeah.

Region: What kind of shit is going down?

Field: Really shitty shit. I mean, there are shitloads of people coming across the border. Refugees. Returnees. You name it, we got it. And would you believe it, they all need shit, and they all need to shit.

Region: Sheeeeit. OK. Yo, HQ. Field is in the shit.

HQ: Well go help them with their shit.

Region: No shit, Sherlock. We are. It’s still shit. And it’s getting shitter. And now there’s like, bombs dropping and shit.

HQ: Oh, shit.

HQ: OK EVERYONE LISTEN UP WE ARE ON IT NOW AND IN CHARGE AND WE ALL HAVE TO GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER. I WANT DAILY UPDATES ABOUT THE SHITTYNESS OF THIS SHIT!

Region: Oh, shit.

Fundraising: Hi guys! Um… how much is all the shit you need gonna cost?

Field: Dunno. But shitloads, definitely shitloads. Call it ten million.

Fundraising: Oh, shit.

Region: HQ, can you give us some cash to give to Field, so they can get going while fundraising does their shit?

HQ: Ah, shit. Look it’s end of financial year… I’m a bit short right now… here’s $100k.

Region and Field: You have got to be shitting me.

Fundraising: Don’t worry guys! I totally got this. Field, can you please stop what you’re doing and send me some pictures of your shit?

Field: Shitshitshitshit. OK… fine. Here.

Fundraising: Thanks for the pictures guys! I’m afraid these pictures of your shit are a bit shitty. We’ll send out a shit-hot photographer. Also we’ll go shoot the shit with the donors.

HQ: WHY IS NO ONE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME? MORE SHITREPS PEOPLE!

Region: LOL! Well played.

Field: Ahem… can we get on with our shit now??

HQ and Region: YES! GO GO GO GO!

Logistics: Hey! Nobody told me you need ze big piles of sheet!! Whaz iz wiz you people, you teenk shit grow on trees!!

Region: Calm down logs, no need to lose your shit.

Field: Just ignore them. They’re always like that.

Logistics: Merde! *drags on cigarette*

Finance: What the shit is going on? You’ve spent a million quid! Which shit for brains signed off on all this shit!?

Field: Sometimes the spirit just moves you. Y’know, humanitarian imperative an’ shit. Soz.

Region: “The spirit” just moves you? Bullshit! Right. Gin is now banned from all team sites.

HQ: The shit is really gonna hit the fan when audit hear about this.

Fundraising: Hi guys! Got you a couple million, enough to muddle through, but not the proper shitload you really need. Some donors have some other nasty shit on their plate. Others have to hang back until this crisis is officially designated as “deep shit”. And frankly, some just don’t have their shit together. And as you know…. all this shit just rolls downhill. 

HQ: Ah, shit.

Region: Ah, shit.

Field: Eh. Same old shit.

 

Fin

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8 Comments on “shit happens”

  1. tmsruge says:

    oh shit! this is good shit!

  2. tmsruge says:

    oh shit. this is really good shit!

  3. […] for some solid and snark, the aid world reaction to being in the shit, courtesy of Cynan (probably one of the funniest things I’ve read lately). Like this:LikeBe […]

  4. madodecker says:

    Typical. We can all relate to that shit!!! really funny to read it translated this way.

  5. Elli says:

    Simply excellent. Hilarious and sooooo truthful. The best part of it is the logistics

  6. […] via la vidaid loca […]


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